The clown has a cold
by QuinnOfConeyIsland
Summary: When the Joker suddenly catches a cold, Harley will do everything she can to help him recover, but he isn't exactly being cooperative...
Harley awoke in the middle of the night by the Joker's sudden fit of violent coughs. Her first thought was _"Well, serves him right for not wearing a shirt under his big-ass coat out in the rain."_ That specific look on him was one of her favourites; she just loved seeing his tattooed skin under nothing but his purple crocodile skin coat. And last night when they were strolling the streets together after having caused some mayhem (it was their idea of a date night), the weather had been anything but forgiving. It had not only been cold, but they had both been soaked by the rain. Harley had been wearing enough to keep warm and once they got back to the hideout, she had been sensible enough to change into something dry. She only wished she could say the same about him.

Once that thought hit her, she instantly regretted it, noticing that his coughing wouldn't stop. She got worried and sat up in bed, carefully placing her hand on his shoulder and gently stirring him. "J?" she whispered, trying to see if he was awake. "J, can you hear me?" she spoke a little louder. When he didn't respond, her pulse increased as the worry only grew. "Puddin'?" At those words, he finally responded, but not in the way she was hoping. He grabbed his pillow and threw it in her face, knocking her back down onto the bed.  
"Don't call me that!" he warned, but it wasn't exactly wholehearted. She could hear his voice was thick and weak. Now she really got worried.  
"I'm sorry, Mr. J, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. But I'm afraid you're not." She placed her hand on his forehead and sure enough, he was boiling hot. "You're burning up!" she exclaimed. He only grunted in response and tried to move away from her.  
"I think I can figure that out myself," he mumbled and then started coughing again.  
"That's it," Harley said. "You are not going out until I've made sure you're feeling well again. In fact, you're not leaving this _room_ until then! But don't you worry, Mr. J, I'm going to take care of you." With that, she jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom to retrieve a wet towel.

She proceeded the night with getting all the stuff he would need for a decent recovery. Tissues, painkillers, water and all that jazz. She just wouldn't rest until she was certain that everything he needed was there. When it seemed that he had fallen asleep again, she figured she might as well do the same. She needed to be well rested if she was going to take care of him for what she was certain would be at least three whole days. And boy, was she right.

* * *

The first day was rough. Whenever she tried to help him with something, like feeding him chicken soup or his cough mixture, he was anything but cooperative. Even at this state, he still wouldn't let her help him as she knew that if anyone found out about it, his reputation would be ruined. He would also tell her to "just get the fuck out of the room" and leave him alone. She told herself that he did this because he was worried she might get sick too. She did leave him alone for a couple of hours, thinking that it might be easier for him to get some sleep. But once she went back to check up on him, his fever had only increased. At this point, she was panicking. Determined to help him, she forced down two painkillers down his throat and then grabbed the towel she had placed on his forehead (which he had tossed down onto the floor) and soaked it once more with cold water. "Oh, my poor puddin'," she said to herself. "I promise I will do everything I can to make you feel better." Even though the Joker had told her to stay out of the room, she didn't listen. She slept next to him that night, just in case something would happen.

When Harley woke up it was already early morning. She was surprised to find that her puddin' was still asleep and it seemed as if he had been throughout the entire night. She smiled and then quietly got out of bed and got dressed. She decided that it was best to just let him continue sleeping and walked out of their room, heading for the kitchen.

After a good breakfast, she headed back and when she opened the door, she was surprised to find him sitting up in bed, the towel once again thrown onto the floor. She stopped in her tracks and just looked at him. He didn't make a face, but his eyes were dark and he turned them to her. "Harley," he said in a very serious tone – the kind he used when he was displeased with her. "Come here." _Uh-oh. This can't be good._ She gulped as she took timid steps forward, slowly getting closer to the bed where he was. His dark eyes followed her every move. She stopped a little bit away from him just to make sure he wasn't going to choke her or something like that.  
"Yes, Mr. J?" she asked, preparing for the worst. She flinched as he suddenly flung his arms up, but instead of going for her throat, he wrapped his arms around her back and brought her in close, almost crushing her in his embrace.  
" _Where were you?_ " he asked, his voice full of… _worry?_ " _Don't you ever leave me like that again, do you hear me?!_ " She was so confused and shocked. She had never seen him like this before. _It's worse than I thought.  
_ "I hear you," she assured him. "I'm not going to leave you, I'm right here." Finally, he loosened his grip and she could lean back and look into his face. She smiled. "I'm not going anywhere," she shook her head.  
"Good," he said. "Just wanted to make sure." She smiled again and was about to turn away when he spoke up. "You know I love you, right?"

She looked back at him with big eyes, not knowing if she heard right. But she must have. She blinked a couple of times. "Yes," she answered. "Yes, of course I do," she smiled, her eyes starting to fill with tears. He grabbed her hand and held it tight.  
"I know I don't say it very often, but… I do, Harley."  
"And I love you," she said and planted a kiss on his forehead. "Now get some rest."

That day, he actually allowed her to feed him everything, including the cough mixture. Although the only reason the latter was accepted was because she had brought him a bowl of his favourite ice cream (banana with chocolate chunks) as a reward. During the morning, his fever was still quite high, but when she checked it again before bedtime it had decreased considerably. Satisfied with that knowledge, she could go to sleep that night without any worries at all.

* * *

The Joker awoke sometime in the morning, not exactly sure of what had been going on for the past few days. He felt exhausted after having been lying in bed for so long, but he also felt much better compared to a couple days ago. The bathroom door opened and his eyes wandered up to Harley who stepped out and she greeted him with a smile. "Oh, you're awake finally! How are you feeling?" She approached him and he sat up, leaning against the headboard.  
"Oh, I'm just peachy," he answered with the slightest bit of sarcasm. "Considering I've been completely useless for… how many days?" He looked up at her, expecting an immediate answer.  
"Three," she answered him with a smile. _Three days?!_ Without thinking, he voiced that thought out loud and it sounded just as ill-tempered as it had in his head. She cowered a little when he threw the sheets off of him and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. When his feet hit the floor, there was something that wasn't quite right. He looked down and tensed.  
"Harley, what are these?" he pointed to a pair of bunny slippers on his feet.  
"Oh, I just thought they would keep your feet warm." Alas, her well-intentioned gesture didn't satisfy him.  
"Well, _get them off me!"_ he yelled, but before she could do as told, he did it himself and tossed them as far away as possible.

Harley stepped aside, giving him some space as he jumped out of bed and headed for the drawer, searching for something to wear. He grabbed a plain white shirt and threw it on. He was already wearing black sweatpants, so he left them on, but he needed something more. " _Where are my socks?!"_ he asked her as he basically turned every drawer upside down. Harley remained her calm though, slightly amused at the sight.  
"Um, top drawer and to the left." He stopped in his tracks and then proceeded more calmly, opening the top drawer and withdrawing a pair of white socks.  
"There they are." He put them on and then noticed that she was watching him, looking very amused. "Well, what are you smiling at? Don't you have to… feed the hyenas or something?" And with that, he stormed out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him. She chuckled lightly.  
"It's all right," she said to herself. "I know you love me."

* * *

 **A/N: Hey there! So yeah, first off, I know the title is really bad. Like, really, really bad. (Get the reference?) But hopefully the story makes up for it! I just had this idea of what it might be like for Harley if the Joker ever got sick. I mean, he's still a human, right? And then I thought about what might happen if it was so bad that he would go "crazier than usual". (Yes, another reference and by the way, this story has some references in it too. Like, the fact that Joker needs Harley to find his socks. I just find that somewhat endearing.) Because honestly, I think he does love her, but not in the same way as she loves him. Her love is unconditional while his is not. I could just ramble all day about the complexity that is their relationship. If you want to, you can visit my tumblr blog Quinn of Coney Island which is dedicated to mostly these two crazy lovebirds. Okay, but that's enough now. Hope you enjoyed! ;)**


End file.
